Ek Ghazal

This one is a proper Ghazal following all the rules of form of Ghazal. The meter of different shers might be a little off but I hope it is bearable.

kabhi hans ke thodi shikayat karenge, meri jaan sun na
ki sapno ki tanhai me kuch kahenge, meri jaan sun na.

range kore kagaz the pahle bhi maine, magar tumse mil ke,
ajab dard aaya hai nagmon me mere, meri jaan sun na.

Machalna to hai dil ki aadat purani, magar is dafa to,
buna dhadkano ne bhi hai ek tarana, meri jaan sun na.

jo taareekh me darz ho na sakin, aisi kuch daastanen,
shab-e-taar me gungunaate hain taare, meri jaan sun na
[shab-e-taar - dark night]

hawayen kahengi khalish mere dil ki , magar apne muh se
kah na sakoonga main tumse abhaga, meri jaan sun na.
[khalish - pain]

Comments

Prem Piyush said…
Wah bhai wah. Nice blog, Wish your blog will appear in Devnagri Hindi too in near future to spread it's full essence, which it deserves.
January 11, 2005 at 1:55 PM
Jaya said…
On the first comment: Didn't someone say "Guru gud, chela cheenee" :-D
January 12, 2005 at 2:21 PM
abhaga said…
piyali:
ke likha jab bhi humne kuch, tera salaam mila,
mila sabhi se hume, bas tera na pyaar mila. :)
January 13, 2005 at 2:50 PM
Priyendra said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
January 13, 2005 at 3:03 PM
Priyendra said…
Haan to bhei sawaal simple sa hai ... yeh shab-e-taar type ki urdu tum seekhe kaha se ho??
January 13, 2005 at 3:04 PM
Braveheart said…
Now that I see abhaga is going to be famous soon, let me tell you a few things --

I dont find in this, the beauty which I have spotted earlier. It seems you are too fascinated with patterns and formats. Vicharon ko chhandon mein uljhakar swachchhandta se viheen kar diya hai.

See abhaga, you are trying to defy here, the very evolution cycle of a poet. You are new to poetry. And remember, youth is about freedom. You should explore this freedom and then, after maturing through it, you should let the formats guide your ideas. If you hurry into patterns, you dont reach those depths as the patterns dont guide you. They start restricting your thoughts. That is the last thing a poet should do. To contain is to kill Abhaya.

And tell you something more important, wehn you follow the pattern of a proper Ghazal, the key lies in the lines being repeated. Those lines should be multi-faceted and sharp as a razor's edge. See this --
Dil ke lutne ka sabab poochho na sabke saamne
Naam ayega tumhara, 'woh kahani fir sahi'!

I am not looking down upon your effort. On the contrary, I love it. But I believe you would do better to explore more before you get into proper ghazals.

Just a thought!
Akshaya
January 13, 2005 at 8:28 PM
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