RelationShips: How to build one that won't sink ! - I

Relationships are really confusing things as any high school student studying Set Theroy will testify. However if he would have even the faintest idea as to what lies ahead, he might have other ideas.
Relationships are strange entities. They attract us and they scare us. They bind us and then free us in most wonderful ways. They can make our life worth living but they can also make it a living hell. And no matter, how much we may try, it is difficult to write down a formula for a perfect one.
But since we can't just slip through life without worrying about them, it is worthwhile to think about what makes them tick. To be more precise, let's talk about men-women relationships (My apologies for the inherent bias but I don't think alternate sexualities contribute much to my readership).
Most of the people have this notion of a perfect partner, a prince who will swap her off her feet or the sweet lady who will just take away all his pain with just a touch. We search for the person who will make us feel right at home with himself/herself. We want to be loved by somebody but does this criteria makes for a strong relationship? I think not.
I think the best relationships are formed between people who can treat each other as they want to treat their ideal partners. If u dig ur heart carefully, along side the list of things that u would like ur partner to do for u, u will find a list of things that u would like to do for him. We tend to forget this list and this is what leads to disappointments. A stable and happy relationship is formed when u match this second and neglected list with ur partner.
There is another straight forward way of looking at the above convoluted argument. A relationship works when u are into it without selfishness. A relationship is about giving and not getting. Of course it is tough to get rid of all the expectations but the less expectations u have, more wonderful and exciting would the journey be :)
So if I may borrow something from JFK, "Ask not what the other person can do for u, ask what u can do for him." for "You can never make somebody your friend. You can only be somebody's friend."

Here is a quote from a movie I watched yesterday:
"When you send somebody to save the world, make sure he likes it the way it is now."

Comments

Tipsy Topsy said…
Unseflfishness in a relationship-so hard to practice!!
November 27, 2004 at 10:22 PM
Braveheart said…
I love that quote at the last but I dont quite agree.
Here is why -

I think LOVE is the only thing which can carry a relationship through. And being in Love is about being possessed of a devil. Yes, loving is about giving and not getting. But its about giving to the right person. I dont agree that a man can love anyone. You can have strong affection only for someone who is differrent. Else, the love you have is meaningless and stale. It'll surely lack the intensity which sets you on fire, the fire that keeps the relationship warm.

Your selection of the right person is always decided on the basis of your expectations from his/her behaviour. I am not ready to believe that a man can ever do away with expectations. Without expectations, a man is as good as dead. Expectation is what life is, its what responsibility is, its what motivation is. Without expectation, you'll always choose to stop and end this life of sufferring.

What do you say?

Akshaya
November 29, 2004 at 8:01 PM
Nikhil Kulkarni said…
I would also say that it isn't easy to be without expectations but the real test is that even if your expectation isn't fulfilled, you should not feel bad. Real love does not demand anything in return ... it simply gives .. and so though you may expect - never keep a precondition that your expectation should be fulfilled ... More on this at
http://the-complete-man.blogspot.com/2004/12/mushkil-bada-ye-pyaar-hai.html
December 22, 2004 at 11:00 PM
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