क्या भूलूं क्या याद करूं ?
Isn't it strange how the end of a calander year actually feels like as if something really ended and how we wait for the new year as if the next morning is going to be different, sun brighter, air fresher? And isn't it even stranger that we infact find them to be so? Year after year, we look back at our lives at the end of the year and try to measure what we achieved and what we lost. And we take resolution. We promise to ourselves that this time, this new chance that we have got, we will not screw it up and make the best of it. Sometimes I wonder wht will happen if there would be no years to end, no months to count, no hours to spend and no minutes to fill "with sixty seconds' worth of distance run"? A continuous stream of existance as opposed to the discrete life that we are used to ! When will we look back then? When will we start over? And does the answers to these questions change simple because somebody decided to measure our lives in seconds, minutes and years. But man is a creature of habit and so I can not help looking back at the year that was. And more so because in the 24 years of my existance, almost none was better.
Or may be that would not be a fair thing to say. Since even if we remove one year from the remaining 23, 24th wouldn't have been what it was and so I tend to look at this as a particularly beautiful patch on the journey of life, nothing more, nothing less. And didn't I know that on the very first day of the year? On the very first day, along with my best friend Akshaya, somewhere in the wilderness of Panchet, I got blessed. The rays of setting sun took away with them, all the dilemmas, all the worries and set me free, free to roam.. free to wander.. and I wandered like never before. From Panchet to Mangalore, Udupi, Marvanthe, Ooty, Pondycherry and Mysore and add to that 2 trips home.
Everyone has a dream in their lives. No, I am not talking about dreams that talk about lots of money, lots of fame, a trip to US or things like that. Even deeper inside, there lies a dream where we see ourselves. Somebody finds himself sitting in a rocking chair, looking at the setting sun with all the nature turning into gold. Somebody else finds himself in the embrace of his/her soulmate. I see myself flying... flying free and high, souring through the wilderness, towards the moon, into the sea, looking at the stars from the mid ocean where there is no light apart from the stars. But we all know that humans cannot fly? Right? Wrong ! They can and they do. When their souls are free and when their hearts are lite. And it is in travelling that I find that feeling. If their is one ambition I have in life, that is to travel. To travel far and wide and this year has marked the beginning.
On a different note, the year also saw me losing two grandparents and suddenly I have realized that there are so many loved ones whom I would probably have to see dying. Not that it was a revelation but it feels strange.
Btw that reminds me that this year I also got a chance to listene and see Ustad Bismillah Khan live. This was my long held wish and it was wonderful watching the great maestro perform in front of my eyes.
I also happened to watch some excellent plays this year, best among them being "Seema Paar" by the NSD Reportry group. It is based on the last 5 days in the life of Bhartendu Harishchandra who is considered to be one of the first and most influential people to write in Khadi Boli, language that later evolved into Hindustani and then Sahityik Hindi. Other plays include "A heap of Broken Images" by Girish Karnad and "Evam Indrajeet" by Badal Sircar though I would like to see a production of the later play by some other group also.
However through all this, there is one thing that I majorly lost out on and that is keeping in touch with junta. As time passes by, the links are weakening and the bonds are cracking up and I am not even sure what to save and what to let go. Perhaps the best way is to throw everything up in the air and just stand with your hands spread out. That is how we came to this world and that is how we will leave. It is not a bad idea to remember that once in a while !