sakhi mori piya ke rang rangi !

aankhon me piya ke swapan bhare,
adhron per kampan mukhar dhare,
ranjit kapol hue lajja se,
jihva pe piya ka naam fire.

dhalka jaaye aanchal jheena,
shudh budh khoyee, sukh chain chhina,
na bhaye use bacpan ki sakhi,
bin piya lage ab jag soona.

Sakhi mori piya ke rang rangi !

kuch vesh kaho? kabhi mili nahi !
mridubhaashi hain? swar sune nahi !
na des pata, jaane na gali,
chad kaandhe chaar kahaar chali.

Bin sakhi mujhe kuch na bhaaye,
jhoole ke bina saawan jaaye,
sochoon to yahi ka jatan karoon,
mo pe bhi piya ka rang chaaye.

sakhi mori piya ke rang rangi !

[Those who know better, would probably notice that a long standing promise has been fulfilled today although it has not come out as I would have liked it to but if that could be controlled, world would have been a pretty banal place.]

[Incidently, there is something in the above poem that is quite indicative of the times it has been written in. Can u notice it? I also noticed it only after finishing it :) ]


Braveheart said…
The thought is extremely beautiful and the promise is surely fulfilled. But tell you something very truly - hindi poetry mostly lacks the sweeteness which marks the heart of a true poet. Bachchan was immensely popular because he achieved that in hindi. Tulsi and Soordas tried to achieve that and Kabir had it written over his playful hindi. Gupt succeeded quite well but others didn't. Dinkar could but he took another way out. Now you know why Neeraj said -- "Neeraj ke pehle geeton mien,
sab kuchh tha par pyar nahi tha"

U might like to try urdu. It comes very easily. The language does everything.
Unknown said…
That's the problem with the Urdu - Akshaya. it creates a misconception of doing everything. The poet, mean time does not try much and relies more on manguage than on thought process.

This is why everyone is a Shayar these days, doing cheap Shayari. In hindi, only the real ones surface, rest are flown away. All the names you took are far too less.

BTW Abhaya, a very nice poem. Too good. I haven't read it before. Whose work is this?
Braveheart said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
abhaga said…
I have removed the last two comments but I cannot remove the taste they must have left both of u with. I can only hope that it goes away with time.

As far as I am concerned, both of u have said something valuable.
Akshaya, agar koi kami hai to voh mujh me hai, bhasha me nahi. I don't think any of us is even remotely close to using any language to its full potential (c,c++ included :P)
Manish: Akshaya rightly picked it up. I wrote this poem bound by a promise, a promise that I made to myself. In someway that was my ego which thought that I can write at will. And hence it lacked the soul. I learned the hard way what Ramvriksh Benipuri said long ago. He said that that the skill of a poet is not in inventing new emotions. Emotions are all there, created by God. The only thing a poet can do is to make his mind pure enough for these emotions to come and fill him.

Incidently, I was in pune for the new year :)
Unknown said…
I am glad that you deleted it, and I am sorry I reacted to it. I must learn that I cannot react to every crap.

Your thoughts echo exactly mine. There is no fault of the language. It may be of thoughts.

I am not sure of the soul you talked about, but your poem is able to convey your state of mind, and I loved that.
Unknown said…
You were in Pune ? Then you missed an opportunity :-)

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